Last night was week three of our Zumba Ladies cross over to exotic dance. Let me clarify that exotic dance is really not what I thought it would be. It is very sexual, not sexy and there is a difference. You can fake sexy and joke through it; but sexual is something that comes from within. It comes with confidence with a dash of attitude. Put in front of a room of lawyers and I can explain away the ins and outs of Revised Article 9 of the Uniform Commercial Code. Put me in a room with leopard curtains and mood lighting dancing to Pour Some Sugar on Me and I am an uncoordinated mess. I think it is 90% mental and 10% physical. If you think too much, you just can’t do it.
That being said, this has nothing to do with athletic ability. I take spin class four days a week, Zumba six days a week and Body Pump once a week. I could not move my legs alone, let alone my whole body in those floor moves like she did. She exudes confidence and sexuality. Somewhere in the middle of her level and mine is where I think most women would like to be.
So here is what I learned this week:
1. The floor in an exotic dance room violates all sections of the NYS Health Code and there is no amount of sanitizer that can remove it.
2. Reaching the age of 50, physically, not mentally, limits the amount of movements that can be done in a chair. I don’t think I will ever be able to sit on a folding chair at a CYO basketball game without the mental image of this dance class in my head.
3. I am no more coordinated than I was on week one.
4. My husband sadly will not enjoy the benefits of his $25 investment into my dance career. I fear his lawyer would cite mental cruelty if we ever divorced.
5. The only ‘pole’ that will be installed in my bedroom would be a fireman’s pole so that Chip could escape the mind-altering vision of me doing any level of this dance.
One week left to go. We practiced a bit on the pole last night and I think that ends my introduction to exotic dance. Check that off the bucket list.