…..a bad bra.  There. I have said it and frankly this discussion is long overdue.  I apologize in advance to all my male readers but this just has to be said to the ladies:  throw out those old bras.

I had an epiphany last week when I was packing for a trip. I had a lot to do and was running around getting everything set before I left.  I subconsciously was tugging on the back of my bra. Not really itching but annoying me.  I pulled and tugged almost the whole day until I realized why I was agitated.  It was this bra.  I remembered I had taken it off before and washed it thinking it was itchy from loose hair after a haircut.  Nope.

After another 10 minutes or so, I had enough. I removed it and put it in the trash. Did I get that “Ahhh feeling”? No, I rethought it and actually contemplated keeping it.  Why is it so hard to throw out an old bra? Do we feel a kindred spirit to it? Is it a financial loss because bras are so expensive?

There are so many types of bras that do everything from push up, push out, push up and out or flat out add ‘stuff’ that I have no idea where it came from!  I think It’s a conspiracy spearheaded by Victoria’s Secret.  I know they have convinced me to partake in a sale now and then.

In 2002 I had a lump removed from my left breast.  I was lucky that it did not require chemo and radiation and although I am monitored every 6 months, I have anxiety every time I have to see the oncologist.  That being said, I took advice from a dear friend that went through breast reconstruction post cancer and told me she dealt with all the turmoil and surgeries by rewarding herself with some new bras.  “Bras that fit”, she said. So I followed suit and purchased some new bras…I even had the little 20-something measure me to be sure I had the right fit.

They felt spectacular. But how long does that feeling last?  How long will it fit right, with all hooks fully functional and the wire bending in the right direction? How many washes in those special bags will they be able to live through without shrinking, fraying or losing the form in that padding so that I don’t look like I have a sox in one boob and bubble wrap in the other?

So I ask you ladies to inventory your underwear drawers and purge yourself of those ill fitting bras.  Rid yourself of the ‘one hook wonders’ that you pray will last the work day without causing a major embarrassment during your afternoon meeting. And finally, for God’s sake, throw out any bras that pre-date your current boyfriend, partner or spouse.  That is a serious no-no.

Saturday morning at Zumba, my friend was struggling with her sports bra.  Many of us do, for the many of the reasons listed above. We tug down, push in,  pull the straps and manipulate ‘the girls’ in ways that you can’t imagine.  Funny thing is we do it in front of each other while Pitbull is singing in the background. Often it inspires those around us to do a quick boob-check to sure all is in order before the next salsa begins.  Do NOT confuse this with the practice of professional baseball players making an ‘adjustment’ in center field.  We are not a.) professional athletes nor b.) on national television.

I apologize again to my male friend and implore you ladies to take action.  Next, I will tackle the sock drawer and struggle with parting with the argyle socks that fit so well in my 1978 Bass Wee Jun loafers!