You might have thought that I was going to pen a sad post about a love lost, or some other serious matter, but I am not. It doesn’t make my tale of woe any less sad but in these times, I think we need a dose of levity and I hope I can solicit a smile.

Getting older just plain bites. At almost 60, I understand things that worked, either don’t work now or need some assistance. My bifocals are a little stronger, I need to stretch before I work out, and I rarely see 11:00 pm. I get that but last week, me, myself and my ego received a damaging blow.

I was fitted for orthotics. Brad, the ‘young man’ behind the mask asked me to bring my favorite shoes so we could see if the orthotic properly fit in these shoes. Upon reviewing over a dozen pair of shoes, he politely said just one word: “No.”

“I’m sorry, what do you mean, no?” I stood to face him.

He replied, “You can no longer wear these shoes. You will need a sneaker and it should be a larger and wider shoe.”

To avoid hyperventilating, I took a pause. Mustering all my sales and persuasion skills I began to engage with him in an effort to whittle down these ginormous inserts. He was having none of it. There are no sales or negotiating techniques that could have swayed young Brad to my type of thinking.

Yes, I must bid arrivederci to my favorite shoes

Let me set the stage for you, next to cheese, I love shoes. I worked at Shoe Town when I was in high school and college and with a 25% discount, I was the shoe queen of my friend group. Heels were never my thing. When I took an exotic dance class with the Zumba ladies, I had to go buy heels! I love flat shoes and riding boots. Purging my shoe closet for the sake of my arches was unconscionable.

I own two pair of Birkenstock which he said could stay…of course he did. The rest were a hard no:

• Black leather Cole Haan driving mocs, like butta
• Michael Kors ballet flats- in multiple colors
• My 1978 Bass Weejun Loafers…no, not them too.
• I have a pair of saddle shoes that are vintage. He said give them away.
• Aw, no more Nike Fly knit running shoes
• Espadrilles, and the type that wrap around your ankle. (tears are falling)
• Ugg’s-the best dog walking winter time shoes and boots
• Sperry deck shoes: my pink Sperry’s must go too? This makes my heart hurt.
• Flip flops- ALL of them are a no-go. Nike slides, Sperry and Teva, even my Keens?

I love my shoes and my shoes tell a tale. My Bass Weejun got me through college. The Ugg boots have cut down at least a dozen Christmas Trees at Bobs. My Sperry’s walked Jack through the University of Alabama’s campus and the orange driving mocs escorted me to at least 3 RIT Hockey games. I need to take a moment…. I am getting all verklempt.

I rarely dispose of shoes since I rotate them and take good care of them. That makes this even more tragic.

And no, I do not have an AARP card.

I cannot tell a lie. I guess old people shoes are ok and if it gets me to my target age of 103 years old, I will gladly wear them. But I will not go gently into the night and my wallet does not hold an AARP card…. yet.