I have tried to spare my poor husband from being the direct subject of a blog posting but I can not hold back any longer. My husband’s name is Anthony but his family calls him ‘Chip”.  He is a “junior”.  When I first started dating him, my father thought I was dating two men:  Anthony and Chip.  Do I look like a puttana to you?

I have been with my husband since 1986, married in 1989 and even though we have had our share of bumps and bruises along the way, I cannot and would not wish to spend my life with anyone else.  Except………..

He is a total spazz.  Let’s review.

Two weeks ago he got pulled over TWICE in one week.  51 in a 35 mph zone and again 81 in a 65 mph zone.  The troopers let him go on both counts with a non-moving violation.  When we got married, my insurance dropped me after almost 11 years.  His DMV list of speeding tickets was so long, at that time it was printed on that old green-bar paper.  The woman had to go in the back and “get it off the big printer”. REALLY CHIP?

The week before that, he called me with my favorite line, “promise not to laugh?”. OK last time I heard that, my brother Joey was 14 and he ran his own fingers over while rocking on a rocking chair.  I almost peed my pants! This time Chip literally slammed his head into the door frame at work and split open his forehead.  Off to the ER and about $1228.00 later, just some glue to hold in all those brains…REALLY CHIP?

And yet again, this week, I get a text of his burnt finger.  Yes, he burned his index finger on the cigarette lighter in his car.  Imports still have an active cigarette lighter and when he went in to plug in his cell phone charger, he thought to himself, hey, is this hot?  YES…REALLY CHIP?

I cannot complain too much. He hasn’t misplaced one of our children but he did lock Amelia in the car in her car seat when she was three years old.  That in and of itself is a whole other story. He used to tickle them until they puked and melts an entire stick of butter for popcorn when I am not looking.

Right now he has taken them both to the YMCA so they can practice basketball shooting.  REALLY CHIP? Yes, really.  I love you hun-bun.