…..in my shorts. Literally.

Sometimes as I write this blog I think to myself, is thisTMI? Then I think maybe someone else has either had this happen to them, knows someone who had this unfortunate incident or is just going to laugh their  ‘you know what’ off.  Most likely, the later.

I am one of those people who likes to determine what they are gong to wear the night before.  I lay it all out, make sure it is cleaned and ironed and so that after I get back from the gym at 6:45am or so, I can hop into my clothes and go. That’s the scenario. 

So the other morning I am digging out my summer clothes to see what fits etc. because God forbid we just walk into the closet, grab a pair of shorts and put them on without regard to the size of my butt, my gut or any other part that over flows its confines. 

That morning I tried on an old favorite, and I mean old.  I have had these shorts for a long time.  Feeling pretty good about my decision, I begin to unzip the fly and slide the button.  The zipper goes, the button does not.  It is one of the hook-and-eye jobbies and it is going nowhere.

Panic sets in.  How do I get these off?  Do I call my husband and ask him to free me from my shorts, wow, that didn’t come out right. Do I dare damage an old favorite that has weathered many summers with me? Now I am sweating, literally and figuratively.  Breathe, these are not tight, they fit, there must be something wrong with this button-thing.

I break into that dance you do, you know ladies, the one you do to get panty hose on when it’s 85 degrees and the air-conditioning is not working; the dance that either puts on or removes some form of clothing bondage, ie, a sports bra, Spanks or any other form of restraint.  One good inhale and a quick toggle and I was freed. ahhhh…  Instantly, I look at the closure and the hookie-thing was bent.  Morale of the story:  check your clothing closures carefully.  Good thing I didn’t need to call the landscaper to  use a pruning sheers or panic in the need to go to the bathroom on top of all that pressure!

Now on the opposite side, I have spontaneously combusted out of a front closure Victoria’s Secret bra; I have dropped a wrap around skirt to the floor (now I pin every wrap around skirt in case the button gives way) ;and at a wedding in a very revealing fire-engine red bridesmaid gown (yup..red) I busted lose one of the strapes on the gown.  Now those, my friends, are wardrobe malfunctions!  Safe dressing tonight ladies.