On Friday, I received a call from an old friend/colleague. She did not sound right, something was off. She told me she wished she was calling for something else and then proceeded to tell me that another friend/colleague was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was in the final months. It has taken me this long to actually compose this post. My mind and my heart have been heavy.
I hope I get a higher than usual readership this time. I hope we all think a minute about this and take some time to just consider….
- How often do you tell someone you love them? When we were first married, Chip and I heard the old, ‘never go to bed angry’ mandate. I have gone to bed angry many times in these past 25 years. I cannot get that back.
- How often have you wasted time? Just wasted it on stupidity or doing something you really did not want to do? You cannot get that back.
- How would you spend your last 3-6 months if dying is what you faced? I don’t know about you but just asking that question makes my heart beat faster and tears begin to form.
- How would you say goodbye?
- How would you close your eyes and face the unknown and turn to the faith and beliefs you have for strength?
I called my friend Pat and spoke to her. She has always been a strong woman. The last time I spoke with her, she had just beaten colon cancer! Ok God, really? Go pick on someone else now. But no, Pat was her outward facing, strong and funny self. We reminisced about our old days at LexisNexis, raising children, her cat getting run over on her front lawn and her husband’s super-fantastic white clam sauce. I could hear her voice getting tired and I asked her if the pain was bad. She told me it was and it would be worse in the end but she would be comfortable. What is that? Comfortable? It makes me mad. It makes me want to do something I cannot do.
After I hung up, I pictured her sitting there, in her thoughts, (as she bravely said to me), waiting. So instead, let’s Not wait. Let’s really, really try for Pat and for others that we all have known- try to be a better person. Try to live a better life, whatever your better may be. All of a sudden, this boot on my foot is so very insignificant.