My dad passed away in February at the age of 68. I was not close to my father these past 10 years or so.  My parents divorced about 13 years ago and it was not under good circumstances. I was not one of those kids who prayed my parents would divorce because it was terrible living in a house filled with stress and arguments. No, I had a great childhood.  We did not have much but I never knew it at the time.
I am a lot like my dad…..headstrong and impatient. Not good traits. But, I am also disciplined and driven and organized. I got that from his military influence. My dad was quiet and a great to have when you needed a scary dad as a boyfriend screen; not so great when he did not like the boyfriend. (Thank God he loved my husband, even though he made him really work  and squirm when asking if he could marry me.)
We cremated my father and buried him with my grandparents, actually on top of my grandfather who was was the best! I will have to tell some tales about him at another time.  Well we kept a small bag of the ashes to scatter at the Army Reserve Center.  My sister and I did that on Saturday afternoon.  It was snowy and blowing and very cold.  We walked right up to the main door, passed an absent security system and opened the bag and let him free, at the place where he loved to be and where as a Command Sergeant Major he reigned. Those ashes blew fast and furious with a few sticking to the lawn and stones.  I left his watch there as well. It was a Timex that I kept in my desk drawer these past 9 months. The alarm went off every night at 5:55pm and don’t you know I missed the sound of it going off last night.
So, good bye Dad. I miss you and I am so sorry that it did not end differently for you, both in terms of your physical health and the relationships with all of us who loved you.  I cry when I think of all those times that you did something goofy and ordered oddball gifts from magazines of gadgets that did not work or tools that were never used.  And I laugh when I remember vacations in that VW Bug, all 5 of us, as you refused to stop for potty breaks or food!  I still cannot eat a ham and cheese sandwich without a feeling of total and utter sickness.
Please watch over us and rest easy now dad.  I hope the fishing is good and the coffee is strong.