Everyone has rules they live by. I have an arsenal of rules that I live by that keep my superstitious and crazy paranoid mind somewhat in check. When you learn a life lesson, I think you subconsciously create a rule in your head to either do or never do that again. Here are some that come to mind. I am sure you all have some to add and share with me.
1. Keep the radio volume up in the car. You really cannot sing at all and you don’t need to periodically check to see if anything changed. You’re 50 for God sake!
2. When you are in a hotel room bathroom and you open the curtains after your shower, do NOT put your glasses on to see what you are doing until you have that towel on, yikes.
3. When you use a mirror to see the back of your hair after you have struggled with styling it, do NOT adjust the mirror to check out your butt. A.) it is still there and b.) it really is no better.
4. If cheese has mold on it and you think to yourself, ‘I can cut this off and eat it’….Don’t. Mold is mold.
5. You know the second Dirty Martini will do you in. Listen to that voice in your head.
6. I had a blind date once that picked me up in his car and proceeded to lay a blanket over me citing, “it’s cold, I want you to be warm”. Ok signal #1. Then we went to Pizza Hut for dinner, I am 20 years old. Ok signal #2 and really, park at the airport? UGH signal #3 you’re out! I should have listened to that voice in my ear after signal #1.
7. Chew gum when you cook Thanksgiving Dinner. You will eat an entire dinner while preparing for the main meal. A bite here, a lick there and some wine to keep the creative juices flowing? Nope, it’s just me and Wrigley’s now!
8. When I lived in Manhattan and would take the subway home at night, if I went down to the platform and got that ‘utz’ in my stomach, I would leave and spend the $5 on a cab. That ‘utz’ has saved me many times. Find yours and always listen to it.
9. There is not one more shave left in that pretty pink ladies razor and if you break this rule, you will bleed in that shower like a scene from Psycho!
Sidebar: your husband will know if you cheat and use his razor, you will hear him screaming a mile away.
10. Never cut your own hair…EVER, even that stray piece that drives you crazy. Wait and ask the stylist to help you, if you don’t, she will know what you did!
So there are a few of things that keep me up at night. Something to think about when you wake up in the middle of the night with a cramp of some sort and you think it is tumor, it isn’t…and no you are not crazy, at least by my standards.