Moms (and Dads) out there.  I am sure you have been know to say that exact phrase to your children on occasion.  “Do I speak a foreign language.  Do you understand me?”

Allegedly this is my month to be kinder and soulful right? Well I am looking for exemption and absolution when it comes to my children, and maybe even my husband. I will get to that later.

Why is it that I have two children, smarter than I am and in honors classes and they cannot remember to make a bed, or bring down the laundry?  Why can Jack get to level 10 in some God-forsaken game and cannot close the refrigerator door?  Perhaps all my appliances, doors and plumbing should have an xBox controller attached.

My daughter is wonderful and smart and at the same time a wing nut. Why do I have to threaten to throw out everything on her dresser if she doesn’t clean it up?  Why does Pottery Barn sell so many cool containers and baskets?  For mothers who think that will indeed organize a kid’s room..NOT.

My grandmother did not have electronic devices and games to withhold; there was no TCBY or Starbucks to bargain with….oh no, she used GOD and his wrath.  “He is watching you and he knows what you are doing.” Wow, scary to an 8 year old.  My mother used Ivory soap, on your teeth!  and she could wield a mean slipper.  I think that is an Italian thing:  throwing shoes.

Now I have spoken of my affinity for my husband’s car, Fredrick, an Audi S4…sweet.  My husband has been mentioned in many blogs regarding his speeding tickets and stops.  This one takes the cake.  I will not post what the real speed was but he got a ticket for doing 55 in a 30.  Really Chip? 

Could someone please explain to me how I can be kinder and gentler this month?  School is starting; the supply list just came; “I need new shoes” and Jack as a bruised bone/loose ACL and is in PT and a brace for the next four weeks.  I’ll tell you how I can do it.  Two words: Wine and Zumba, not necessarily in that order. (oh and I miss my Fifty Shades, but I found a new series… to be discussed)