Seven years old today.

To Miss Tillie, it’s just another day. To me, it’s a celebration of a little soul who has no idea of her worth. For her, a birthday is like any other day, because dogs don’t mark time the way we do. Tillie doesn’t count years or understand loss. She just lives for sleep, treats, and rolling in the grass. She delivers bulldog kisses with quiet love and abandon.

But for me, this day means more.

It’s been almost five years since our lives split into a ‘before’ and ‘after’. In the midst of grief that appears almost relentlessly, when things feel uncertain and heavy, there is this little soul beside me. Gentle and welcoming when I hug her so tight that I think I take her breath away. Unaware of how much she was holding me together just by being there.

I want to share something I don’t often say out loud: I nearly gave up on her several times. It wasn’t because of who she is, but because of where I was in my own journey. Grief can make love feel overwhelming at times, but Tillie stayed by my side through it all. Together, we are a wonderful mix of love, fun, and mischief, holding each other close no matter what.

And yet, she stayed.

Her snores and heavy breathing gave me quiet companionship on the hardest days. Kisses that asked for nothing in return. Middle of the night cuddles when she knew I was having a bad dream. She did not need me to be whole. She just needed me there and present.

She doesn’t know her worth. Tillie has no idea that she created a life for me. A small, steady sound and heartbeat in my world that had gone silent.

Let’s have a little fun!

I am writing this at 3:35 am. Can’t sleep, and bulldog snores can wake the dead, no pun intended, Chip.  So I thought about the reasons I both love and am perplexed by Miss Tillie. So here is a David Letterman-type list of the Top 10 things to love about Miss Tillie. If you’re too young to remember “Late Night with David Letterman,” Google it.

Number Ten– Small but terribly gassy. Bulldog farts could clear Highmark Stadium faster than a bad call on our QB, Josh Allen.

Number Nine-You can never be prepared for Miss Tillie’s kisses. They arrive without warning, sloppy and hot but invaluable.

Number Eight– Zoomies, or lack thereof. Bulldogs are not high-energy. Zoomies last about 45 seconds, followed by a quick collapse on a comfy blanket.

Number Seven-Bulldogs love to sleep, especially after those 45-second zoomies. Heavy and happy, a true sign of trust that their humans are never far away.

Number Six– Lake Life. Bulldogs love adventure, like skateboarding and swimming. Wait. What? Bulldogs sink like a rock, but I think I actually see her smile at the lake.

Number Five– Most dogs, especially English Bulldogs, love the pup cup from Starbucks. Bullies don’t have a snout, but thanks to the ingenious problem solvers at my Niskayuna Starbucks. The barista cut a Grande cup open on the sides so she could have a pup cup like all other dogs.

Number Four– A level of stubbornness so strong she’d tell Superman to move from her favorite chair and fully expect him to.

Number Three– Bullies are picky eaters with discerning taste. Everyone knows that I love Wegmans and, more importantly, their cheese department. Well, Tillie will only take her medicine when buried in Wegman’s freshly shredded mozzarella. When I run out, only then will she accept a substitution: Prosciutto.

Number Two– Bulldogs have selective hearing: Hears you. Ignores you. No regrets.

And the Number One thing to love about Miss Tillie: No personal space.  Miss Tillie believes love is best expressed at zero distance with no room to spare.

Seven years with her is a gift I don’t take lightly.

I’m not the first to write about the happiness our family pets, our soulmates, bring into our lives, but I feel deeply grateful for this little soul I once almost gave up on.

Today, we celebrate in her language: naps, treats, soft, cozy blankets, and love. The simple things. The meaningful things. The things that make us the good humans our dogs already believe we are.

Happy Birthday to my sweet, gentle girl. My quiet comfort (ha-ha), my little rock of strength, and the soul that encourages me to keep going.

I love you, Tillie girl.

Resources: Wikipedia