A yogi is defined as one who performs yoga. Further explained as someone who exercises with a practice to promote control of the mind and body. I like the control part; it is the rest of yoga that kills me.

Note: I have a problem with silence. Remember this post: 2 Minutes 49 Seconds?

Joining a new gym presented the opportunity to try new things and expand my exercise regimen. I have enjoyed almost every new class I took with the exception of yoga. Don’t get me wrong, Brenda was lovely. Let me explain.

Thursday mornings, The Ride is offered at 5:30am followed by Yoga Body Sculpt. Perfect right? Great cardio followed by stretching and breathing and relaxation. I’m up for the challenge.

I told myself I could do this. “Karen, you can do anything for 30 minutes. Right?”

I should have known better. I have tried yoga a dozen times full of desire yet absent of the ability to be quiet and still that long. Once Brenda started talking about building ‘your practice’ I knew I was in trouble. She began naming, what I can only assume, are positions, such as pigeon, downward dog, bridge, cat, chair, cobra, and cow? What is happening? I turned to Donna on the mat next to me after flipping positions was discussed and whispered, “I have got to get out of here.”

When we got to the warrior pose, I began to feel better and a little more confident. The thought that I could do this once again returned to me, but I was reminded of the last time I had this thought during the one and only time I went skiing:

After falling off the chair lift into the orange netting, my instructor and I finally got back on the skis and headed to what I thought was going to be a small hill. The weather broke and at that peak the view was amazing. I thought, “I can do this,” and soon I was facing the slope down. After a dozen falls into the powder, I removed my skis and walked to the lodge. Yup, game over.

So, like the same aha moment I had on the slopes, I decided to bail and when those lights went down, I put on my flip flops and off I slinked into the darkness.

In an effort to think like a yogi, here are some poses I would like to suggest that seem to be more fitting to real life:

• Sleeps with the fishes- lay down and relax. Think of the things you need to do today.
• Reaches for coffee- hands above your head reaching for the pods of Death Wish coffee for the Keurig.
• Hugging the pug- no description needed.
• Wine therapy- inhale slowly a full-bodied Cabernet, now exhale. Repeat.

Moral of the story: I am not sure I will ever be able to do yoga. Yoga does offer wonderful health benefits that my body needs.

A challenge to all you yogis out there:  If one of you bendable and flexible people would like to take me under your wing and work with me on this so called practice, I would be forever in your debt.

Coffee included.